I had a disagreement with a tree
I didn't see him, but he saw me
Lying in wait by the side of the road
He leapt out at me as I stumbled home
"You're not from round here!" he growled at me
"Your roots are shallow, while mine grow deep,"
And I said, "How man, leaf 's alone!"
Even as I said it I uttered a groan
"That pun was atrocious and now you must die!"
Then quick as a whip jabbed a twig in my eye
I cried out with pain and gave him a dig
But this tree was tough and I sprained my wrist
I staggered and swore, knuckles starting to bleed
And wondered why these things keep happening to me
His features were gnarly, his manners were rough
Bark worse than his bite, but his bark bad enough
I weighed up my options and gave him a push
And tried to run past him, but not fast enough
He grabbed and we grappled, entangled, entwined
This brawl wasn't pretty, polite or refined
He planted me one and stood on my foot
Then while I was off-balance he stuck in the nut
I fell to the pavement and lay there prone
I had to admit it, the tree had won
*I may have been drinking when this happened.